Flume is an electronic music artist who recently played at Coachella. One of his well-known remixes is his remix of Lorde’s tune, Tennis Court. I actually caught part of his set during Coachella and he is indeed the definition of serenity. When I first caught ear of this song, I paid attention to the lyrics and felt aligned with the words I heard. Despite the fact that I didn’t stay long enough to hear him drop this song, I listen to this daily on my way to school or work.

During my commute to either my internship or class, the more I let the lyrics go through my ears and brain, the more I feel like this song defines me to the T. Here, I’ll break down the lyrics as to how certain lines reflect me.

/ What I would do to take away this fear of being loved /
I have a great fear of good things happening to me. It’s not due to the fact that good things never occur in my life, it’s just that I’ve had a history of those ‘good things’ become twisted and not so good, after all. What this line also means to me is that I wish I didn’t have these insanely high walls and that I could just trust people. No matter how close I am to someone, in the back of my head, I know that I could never trust them fully. With that said, I wish I could banish these fears and be fearless.

/ Allegiance to the pain /
I’m no masochist but I’ve been through enough trials and tribulations that I feel as if pain is a regular bump in the road that I often encounter. I expect to be hurt by people, never saved by them and I’m always disappointed by the people I let in my life. I know that life is never a smooth path, but sometimes I just feel like I’ve been struck specifically with bad luck and bad people. This emotional boot camp I often find myself in has taught me that pain is the incognito instructor of hidden lessons. Disappointment hurts because I honestly did have hope for these people. Failed friendships remind me that not everything lasts forever, even if it felt like it could. Broken trust makes the fear of being hurt that much greater. But the beauty within the cracked mirror is that I can still see my reflection, so I can still see myself with the opportunity to seal the cracks and mend the wounds of the past. Anything crumbled can be recreated and rebuilt to be resilient.

/ I would give anything to change this fickle-minded heart /
I’m indecisive so I never know how I feel about someone or something until it’s too late. My wishy-washiness not only clouds the perception of feelings I have but it delays what could happen in my life. Not knowing my true passions in life makes it tough to know where I should go and what direction to follow. Not knowing my sincere feelings for people makes my personal life essentially scarce or nonexistent. It seems as if all I know is that I don’t know anything about how I feel. It’s virtually impossible to find answers if I don’t even know what my questions are in the first place.

/ I’m only human, can’t you see /
I never strive for perfection, only progression. If I can be better than who I was yesterday, then I’m just one step closer to being the better woman I hope to become one day. It’s challenging because when problems occur, I feel like I’ve been taken 5 steps back on this path where it’s so strenuous to take even just one step forward. Backtracking is frustrating, but it happens, and it just means I have to work twice as hard to get back to where I once was. Going from level 15 back to level 5 feels like all my accomplishments disappeared and my confidence diminishes. As I look up to my role models, I wonder, “Will I ever be like them?”