Let’s Talk: The Old Lynn

Gradually, I’ve noticed my past is becoming less recognizable and quite clouded. What I mean is, the person who I used to be, she seems like a stranger to me. It’s unexplainable but I don’t know who I used to be anymore and I suppose the reason for that is because I am quite focused on who I want to be and what I wish to accomplish. I’m not saying that my past is full of shame and, “Shhh- let’s not talk about that,” type of moments, it’s just that my future is way more exciting than my past could ever be.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned, and tell myself constantly, that’s worth inputting in your own lives, is that the two people you should ever compare yourself to is the person you used to be and the person you want to be, so I always have to remind myself that I don’t have to look like her or be like him, I just have to be the best version of myself.

Everyday, I strive to be better than who I was yesterday. Which means that everyday I am changing and there may be moments where I won’t seem like myself – it’s because I’m always learning something new and I want to implement it in my life. While my past does follow me everywhere – for example: I think about my stepdad constantly – I don’t have to give it attention or follow it back (this is not Instagram)! My past is a reminder – albeit an annoying one for the most part – of who I used to be and most importantly, who I don’t want to be anymore.

Who was the “old Lynn”? What type of person was she?

She is:

  • Someone I feel like I still am, sometimes, but I am trying to fight that zone of comfort.
  • An immature girl who does not think before she speaks, not caring about the emotional costs of her words.
  • A selfish person who is easily engulfed in her own vices, forgetting about the consequences that will come forth upon herself and the people around her.
  • A crude minded individual with the actions to match.
  • Someone who was bad-mannered, not quite civil, and plain out mean.

As I abandon the mold of who I wish to never be again, I am also chasing after the woman I need to be: the person my younger self needed.

Let’s Listen: Novacane

If anyone knows me, then they know that I love Frank Ocean. If anyone lives with me, then they know that this is my ringtone as of right now. Alongside “Pyramids”, Novacane is undeniably one of my favorite ballads from Frank.

One of the reasons why I simply adore Frank Ocean so much is because his songs are more than just catchy and easy-to-listen-to songs, they’re songs that dive deeper into the capabilities of music. They tell stories. They make you think. In this piece, Frank explained, in a BBC Sound of Music interview, that he was trying to articulate the feeling of someone trying to love you but you can’t feel it.

“Wanting to feel something that you can’t feel.” – Frank Ocean

We could work somewhere where we don’t really want to work – and end up hating it. Forcing yourself to love something or someone is wrong. We could try to pursue passions that people say we should, but only we know what are our true passions. Friends can assume we like something but they aren’t the ones who know if we feel the way they think we feel. Even if everything seems perfect, if it doesn’t feel right, then it’s not meant to be. There will come a time where it seems like the perfect person or opportunity comes along but something seems off – and then there’s this pressure to pursue it – but forcing love is never true love. Reciprocation is best when there’s two paths that meet together. No reciprocation on both ends means it’s a dead end from the start.

Let’s Laugh: The Rainbow Sponge

If you’re ever having a bad day, watch this video! This woman taught me that some pleasures in life come from the simplest things. For her, it’s art, specifically, sponge art. I watched this video to cheer myself up and I hope it cheers you up, too. Her enthusiasm is something that could be worthy of envy by some people today. Never lose your spirit, no matter what age. Enjoy!

Word of the Moment: Vulnerability

I would never use the word ‘vulnerable’ to describe myself. I’m quite guarded. I suppose I fell in love with my privacy and how it’s only me, myself, and I with my emotions and thoughts. I built a wall so high that it became dark. As I put down my rose-tinted glasses, I’ve come to realize that the walls I’ve built around myself have hurt me more than done good.

I tell myself that I’m only protecting myself when I don’t open up. I tell myself that staying guarded is good, that the less people I let in, the better. But the truth of the matter is… I have let no one in. Now, I must face the horrifying fact, one that my pride would never let me say, but as I put my pride down, I will admit that the feeling of being alone is getting to me.

But, I will also admit that the feeling of being alone was something that I unknowingly bestowed on myself. For quite some time, I felt as if people would never be able to understand me or be on the same emotional wavelength as me, and it was only true due to the very reason that I never exposed myself so that people could understand me.

It’s time to let those walls down.

Before, I used to see these walls around me as this unbreakable matter, made of stainless steel, and bulletproof protective gear. But now, I’m seeing this wall around me as a brick wall, one that I plan on lowering, one brick at a time. This is a big step for me. For the longest time, I stuck to the notion that I would never let down my walls for anyone, that remaining in the distant cold is for the betterment of my character, but in reality, it’s only hindered me.

I’ve lost relationships because I was too scared to put myself out there. The risk of getting hurt was greater than the chance of having a new friendship. I didn’t want to get closer. It wasn’t an option. But for me, as someone who loves flowers and anything floral, I prevented myself from enjoying the blossoming of relationships. The hypocrisy I laid out for myself is a path where there lies no nourishment or flourishing of prosperity.

It’s never too late to plant a seed of new beginnings.

I might just be a late bloomer, too. This year, not only will I practice integrity but I will practice showing vulnerability. Practice makes perfect, right?

Happy International Women’s Day!

A day just for women – wow! What a time to be alive. But truly it is, albeit it is for those who are privileged. Internationally, there are still young girls who get married off to men who are beyond their age. Young girls whose lives will change forever and will never be the same. Massive amounts of these young girls actually commit suicide while some fortunate few are able to escape.

Today is not only a day to celebrate womanhood across the world, it is also a day to remember the women who could not be here today because they were robbed of their rights, freedom, and lives. Today is also a day to commemorate the women who worked benevolently hard to get us what we have now: college education, voting rights, birth control, being able to be in Congress, and undoubtedly, so much more.

Today’s also a reminder to thank the women in your life who have helped and guided you through life. Today is a day to show appreciation to all the mothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, girlfriends, and friends who gave their time and love to the ones they care about.

In this moment, I would like to thank my mother, P, for everything she has done for our family. Mom, thank you for travelling across the world so that we could both have a better future. You went from living out of a suitcase in a small bedroom at a relative’s house to having your own two-story house. You left behind your roots so that we could plant a new beginning. You are a definition of an endearing woman that if I could amount to be somewhat like you, I will have achieved my own American dream. If I could be half the woman you are, then I will have succeeded in life.

Beach Photoshoot

My roommate, Tanya, got a brand new Canon and we decided to give it a test run at the beach! We went to Laguna Beach and traveled down to Victoria Beach. The water surprisingly wasn’t too cold and actually bearable. I’m incredibly in love with photos Tanya took – she captured my vision and truly surpassed my expectations!IMG_0502abcIMG_0477IMG_0490IMG_0379