Let’s Talk: The Old Lynn

Gradually, I’ve noticed my past is becoming less recognizable and quite clouded. What I mean is, the person who I used to be, she seems like a stranger to me. It’s unexplainable but I don’t know who I used to be anymore and I suppose the reason for that is because I am quite focused on who I want to be and what I wish to accomplish. I’m not saying that my past is full of shame and, “Shhh- let’s not talk about that,” type of moments, it’s just that my future is way more exciting than my past could ever be.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned, and tell myself constantly, that’s worth inputting in your own lives, is that the two people you should ever compare yourself to is the person you used to be and the person you want to be, so I always have to remind myself that I don’t have to look like her or be like him, I just have to be the best version of myself.

Everyday, I strive to be better than who I was yesterday. Which means that everyday I am changing and there may be moments where I won’t seem like myself – it’s because I’m always learning something new and I want to implement it in my life. While my past does follow me everywhere – for example: I think about my stepdad constantly – I don’t have to give it attention or follow it back (this is not Instagram)! My past is a reminder – albeit an annoying one for the most part – of who I used to be and most importantly, who I don’t want to be anymore.

Who was the “old Lynn”? What type of person was she?

She is:

  • Someone I feel like I still am, sometimes, but I am trying to fight that zone of comfort.
  • An immature girl who does not think before she speaks, not caring about the emotional costs of her words.
  • A selfish person who is easily engulfed in her own vices, forgetting about the consequences that will come forth upon herself and the people around her.
  • A crude minded individual with the actions to match.
  • Someone who was bad-mannered, not quite civil, and plain out mean.

As I abandon the mold of who I wish to never be again, I am also chasing after the woman I need to be: the person my younger self needed.

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