Last Monday, my MacBook broke and I couldn’t schedule an Apple Store appointment until Thursday. Come Thursday, I leave it to be fixed and I picked it up on Friday to find that it wouldn’t load after I typed in my password. Saturday, I went back to the Apple Store to be left with no resolution besides removing everything in order to have my laptop work.

On Thursday, I said I was ready to let everything go. On Saturday, I wasn’t quite prepared at all.

30 seconds after everything was deleted, it didn’t hit me.

2 minutes later, I thought about the countless amount of photos, videos, writing, projects I had been working on, music, and essentially, 3 years worth of memories that I had stored on my laptop – gone. I felt like my own memory got wiped, too. I was left wondering what did I really experience if I cannot recall it? This goes beyond being just an inconvenience.

I walked out of the Apple Store stunned. Jaded.

Right now, there is no way for me to see any positives in this aside from the fact that my laptop is functional. This wave of displeasure only constitutes swirling thoughts of blame and deep regret. I should have kept my computer more technologically organized. I should have gotten that external hard drive last year when I thought about it. Lastly, I cannot help but feel that this was preventable. I blame no one but myself.

My college years have indeed been the best years of my life thus far – I’ve gained experiences and memories that could never be replicated (literally) – and now, I’m at Step 1 with a blank slate I never wanted. Currently, I’m stuck in a hazy nostalgia that I cannot quite grasp – I’m trying to recall everything and this proves to be a mental task I am not equipped to handle. I am left with only the ghosts of all my memories – they’re there but they’re not really here and tangible. Life just wants me to stay detached, hah.

With everything said, I hope everyone backs up everything they have and please, learn from me! Every day, I think about how I lost my photos and how I’ll never get them back. But I can’t be negative forever. Let’s change the lens of how I’m viewing my situation and focus on making new memories. Say cheese!