I had an ephemeral cry on July 10^th. Short and not so sweet. It was brought on by a flashback to an episode of Gilmore Girls, where Lorelai tells Christopher she wishes he was the man she wants to want. Two good tears ran down my cheeks as I wilted into the position of a peony past its bloom. I’m not a sunflower, I’ve no seeds to give to the earth for the betterment of us all. My petals are dry beyond saving and they fall to the ground.

Oh, I sighed a quiet breath with the quick wish of how I wished you were the one. The universe pays me dust for that desire and instead sends me signs that expiration dates do exist for relationships. I break my heart, just to feel something awful, wondering if we’ll ever look at the same moon at the same time. 

I question if I could puke all the emotions out. The nausea of it all leaves me wanting to scream it all out. If grief is love with nowhere to go, I find myself pleading to place the love somewhere, just not where it once grew and lived. Nostalgia coats me with pleasantries and for a moment, gone in a heartbeat, I feel your essence. The lessons I gather from life are gifts I continue to find: some small, some hard to swallow, and some I will take into my next relationship. 

Lynn’s Note: I have a longer post that I want to publish soon and I keep reading it over and over again, making small tweaks and other edits along the way, but until then, there’s something to keep the blog fresh and alive. Enjoy!